People of all ages and backgrounds experience shyness, social insecurity, and difficulties making friends, which are nothing to feel ashamed of. It is a fact that none of us is born with social skills. Over time, we learn these things and the good news is that you can, too.
In order for you to overcome your shyness, you will have to understand how human beings think. When was the last time you witnessed an humiliating moment of a friend, family member or classmate? Do you often think about the occasion, analyse it, and laugh at it?
You may think people think a lot about you, but it isn’t true. Your surroundings are largely influenced by what affects them and what affects their lives. Most of the time, they don’t notice you and your choices because everybody is so concerned about what other people think of them. They are all looking at themselves.
Life is full of failures, and we try to avoid them as much as we can. We would feel embarrassed if others saw us fail. As we dig deeper, we find quite a few concerns. Our greatest concern is that we stop ourselves from doing things because of what other people might think.
Our fears about what others might think about us prevent us from doing life-changing things. We’ll continue to be locked up until we begin to realize how much what people think about us influences how, what, where, and when we act. When we are afraid of what others might think, we put off good things for ourselves.
How often do you consider a decision made by one of your friends? You might think about it for the first few minutes, but I doubt you will sit there consciously thinking about it for days on end. What people think about you is their concern and not yours. Regardless of what their opinion is of you, what they think cannot change who you are or how you live your life. Only if you allow it to control you and focus on other people’s opinions will it change your life. The truth is that you cannot control what other people think of you, so give up on trying to influence what they think about you. Worrying about what other people think of you takes away your individuality and causes you to perceive that you must conform in some way. Consider this from a different point of view and remember you are the only version of yourself. You are unique, exceptional, and perfect as you are. Let yourself be who you are. You’ll be happier if you respect that. If someone disapproves of something you did or said, how would it affect you? What if someone doesn’t like something you do or say? Are you going to change? Imagine how you will feel in a week or two after someone comments on how you look or what you say. You will save a lot of suffering if you approach things in this way.
In order to overcome social anxiety, you need to understand that it is human instinct to worry about what other people think of you. It will always be difficult for you to ignore what other people think, since we are all sensitive. Listening to yourself and trusting yourself are crucial.
You are the one who built your life. It was ultimately you who solved your problem. The criticisms of others should not destroy your life. It is important to listen to their feedback, but it must be constructive. Put that same self-confidence into it as you did when you solved your problems. If you are too concerned with what others think about you failing, you will be doomed to fail.
Here are some solutions to help you cope with situations where you become overly sensitive. The most important thing is to realize what you are going through.
Finding the Problem
Identifying and defining a problem is the first step to solving it. Without a clear understanding, we have a much lower chance of solving a problem. It is likely that misdefining the problem will lead to ineffective solutions, as well as causing new problems or aggravating existing ones. A problem must be stated clearly, the facts around it must be gathered, and the results should be identified.
It is impossible to make any changes without knowing where you are starting from and where you are going. It is only by acknowledging the situation that you regain control of thought, emotions, and actions. Acknowledging the situation means focusing on the present moment without judgment. To achieve this, you need to recognize what is happening inside your body and mind.
You cannot break this habit if you don’t catch yourself doing it. Often, though, we just run with these worries, get lost in the stories, and before we know it, we’ve spent the whole hour worrying. Find out what’s actually happening by taking a step back and being objective about your own thoughts. The result is that we are able to take a break from mindlessly running with this worry, and instead examine it, and decide what to do about it.
A breathing technique can help you recognize the situation more effectively. Inhale deeply and exhale slowly as soon as you realize the situation. Repeat this for 30 seconds to a minute, focusing on your feelings first. After that, slowly detach yourself from the situation and look at the problem from a third-person perspective. As you watch yourself breathing slowly, imagine that you are standing next to you. You will begin to understand that your problem is caused by your subconscious, which is following a survival guide. That’s all there is to it. We humans, like other animals, have developed a survival technique to protect ourselves from other predators, and this is what you are experiencing. Realize that and you’ll be able to control your feelings.
Understand your Problem
You need to examine your subconscious mind that is causing you to worry about what others think. You might find it beneficial to talk to your subconscious and identify what alarm it has sounded. The best course of action is to turn the alarm off or control it. Speak to your subconscious in your mind or through your voice. Say ‘turn it off now’ as if you were turning off your mobile phone or television. Turn off the alarm by instructing your subconscious.
Then you need to understand why your subconscious triggered the alarm. You need to go deeper into yourself and find the reasons. You may be around someone you don’t like, or your appearance may be a factor. Once you find the reason, you need to go to your belief system and apply if the alarm was worth it. For instance, if the thought that was causing the feeling of anxiety and triggered the alarm was due to you having a bad hair day. Consider the issue from this perspective: “If that statement were true, what would that say about me?”
As an example, I was experiencing anxiety and self-judgment because I had the thought that others were seeing me and thinking I was ugly and unattractive.
Is it an indication that you don’t deserve respect? Has your subconscious been programmed with this information? Understanding your limiting belief is essential to understanding why you do not respect yourself and imagine others to do the same. The mind tends to look for evidence that supports a belief by applying justification and by excluding all the evidence that contradicts it.
Your limiting beliefs can be found by asking yourself, What does this tell me about myself? There is a possibility that your limiting belief is that you do not believe that you deserve respect or love. Identify the limiting belief that has been changing your mood and attitude.
Reframe the Situation
After identifying and understanding the issue, reframe the situation in a way that works for you. This will give you a new perspective.
You may believe that you are ugly and therefore people don’t like you if your limiting belief is that you are ugly. You might feel sad, anxious, angry, and so on when confronted by people, as these emotions will affect your behavior negatively. As a result, you may act strange in front of people or avoid meeting them. The following examples can be used to reframe situations. If you are surrounded by others or if your limiting belief bothers you, you need to think about the situation differently. Here are some examples, and you may reframe the situation however you prefer.
Because everyone is too busy worrying about themselves, they don’t care about how I look. Different people define beauty differently, and I may be beautiful to some people. The reason I am attractive is because I have a great personality and charm, and people love me for who I am.
I could go on and on. The goal is to generate a new idea. This will replace the automatic reaction triggered by your limiting belief. A new thought leads to a new emotion. As a result of that new emotion, a new behavior is born. By changing your thoughts, you can literally change your life. Remember that it is in your mind.